Capital Cities remake of ‘Stayin Alive’ is not expected to result in many excess deaths

In a new analysis, the Capital Cities remake of ‘Stayin Alive’ is not expected to result in many excess deaths.

With a decidedly slower tempo, the Capital Cities’ version of the Bee Gees classic is no longer suitable for CPR according to the American Heart Association (AHA). But in the long term that might actually end up saving more lives than it kills.

“Only really old physicians were humming ‘Stayin Alive’ during CPR, and more of them were dropping from cardiac events than were being saved. So if they hum at a slower pace fewer CPR patients will survive, but not as many old docs will drop.” According to AHA spokesman Dr. Ken Jeong, adding “Bam Shiklaki.”

A survey of medical students through studentdoc.com suggests they are more likely to hum “Another one bites the dust” or “I’m too sexy” during CPR, so the new tempo ‘Stayin Alive’ is unlikely to effect CPR performed by younger, healthier, sexier physicians.

“I’m too sexy” has not yet been validated for use as an adjunct to CPR.

Representatives from the American Medical Student Association, however, encourage everyone to continue using the 103 beats-per-minute Bee-Gees version for CPR. Asked about the potential effect on senior physicians, the AMSA representative stood with a silent grin.

Disclaimer: Neither the AHA or AMSA were interviewed for this piece. The only reason we did it is because DocNeuro.com said we were dumb if we didn’t.