Girlfriend in residency. How to manage?

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Girlfriend in residency. How to manage?

Postby jr_84 » Mon Mar 28, 2011 11:46 am

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Last edited by jr_84 on Tue Mar 29, 2011 2:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Girlfriend in residency. How to manage?

Postby CaribMD » Mon Mar 28, 2011 12:50 pm

jr_84 wrote:I've been looking around online for advice and found this website. First time posting and I hope I'm in the right section. I also hope to find the advice I'm looking for. :)

I'm 27 and my girlfriend is 28. .............

I do the best to help ease her stress. For example, I’ll go swimming or to yoga with her because these are two hobbies that define her. I know work can almost "depersonalize" someone if it's all they do, so I try to encourage her to stick to doing the things that define her and not let work rob her of the things she loves. I also cook for us, and I pack healthy meals for her to bring to work so she's not a slave to the unhealthy cafe meals at the hospital. She admits she wants to lose weight and with her crazy schedule I don’t even know how I would do it, and I’m a competitive bodybuilder dedicated like no other to my health and nutrition. So anything I can do to lessen the load, I do it. I have a lot more free time too so usually it's me who does the grocery shopping, errands, cleaning and laundry.

But…sometimes I feel like I’m the woman in this relationship, which I can foresee as being a problem. I know it’s a really stupid way to think and feel but I get frustrated and annoyed sometimes and end up directing it at her. I know it’s unfair and wrong. I remind myself that if I truly love her and want to be with her the reality is that loving her means loving what she loves – her career being one thing.

I guess my questions to you all are – what can I do and what can she do to help grow and protect this relationship? How can I calm my ego and not let insecurities grow to become issues? Will her schedule really get better in the later years of residency?

Are there any other men out there whose girlfriends or wives are doctors? How do you guys deal with these issues?



Hi, I can see a big problem, you may not be cut out for this life

and of course this comment:

But…sometimes I feel like I’m the woman in this relationship, which I can foresee as being a problem.
What does this mean? Its sexiest and immature comment.

I know you are 27, maybe you need to spend a few more years on your own, grow and find someone that you are confortable with.

You can't expect someone to give up their life for you. You are not the only focus in her life, she has a career. Male female has nothing to do with it.
Would you be willing to quit your job to take care of a baby? Why do we always expect the women to?

Look I'm not coming down on you just get you to see that when you have a relationship its equal, there is no "Man of the house" you too share responsibility and share the love and joy.

the idea of "King of the Castle" is dead. I try to live what I preach:

I do not expect my wife to only care about me and my needs. Her needs are just as important. In fact when I start residency we talked about me getting an apartment and then coming home to visist since the first year is in another city and the last 2 in this city.

Its not easy and not everyone would like this. But we are fine with it.


So this is my 2 cents. Its my opinion. You have to decide what you want in a relationship, but understand, if you convince her to give up medicine for you, what would you do if she ends up hating you for it?

It happens.

This may be a case for you to change some of your ideas and go with it and be flexible, you two could have a interesting and fulfilling life together but only if you support each other in your careers.

Good Luck.
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Re: Girlfriend in residency. How to manage?

Postby jr_84 » Mon Mar 28, 2011 3:13 pm

No, no...I'm not implying or suggesting that she gives up on anything! No way. I would never, ever think that and have not thought that. With all respect, you misunderstood me there. :)

I will admit my comment about "feeling like a woman" is dumb. I need to get around it. It has alot to do with the BS I hear and get from some people who I've explained my situation with.

I guess what I'm asking is what can I do? How can I change my way of thinking? Deep down, I know I need to change my train of thought. I'm sure this is an issue a lot of guys have dealt with?
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Re: Girlfriend in residency. How to manage?

Postby CaribMD » Mon Mar 28, 2011 6:07 pm

jr_84 wrote:No, no...I'm not implying or suggesting that she gives up on anything! No way. I would never, ever think that and have not thought that. With all respect, you misunderstood me there. :)

I will admit my comment about "feeling like a woman" is dumb. I need to get around it. It has alot to do with the BS I hear and get from some people who I've explained my situation with.

I guess what I'm asking is what can I do? How can I change my way of thinking? Deep down, I know I need to change my train of thought. I'm sure this is an issue a lot of guys have dealt with?


I'm sorry If I came off a little harsh.

I see where your coming from..........
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Re: Girlfriend in residency. How to manage?

Postby SideWithReason » Sun Apr 03, 2011 5:40 pm

jr_84 wrote:I guess what I'm asking is what can I do? How can I change my way of thinking? Deep down, I know I need to change my train of thought. I'm sure this is an issue a lot of guys have dealt with?


talk to a therapist?
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