Girlfriend of Med Student

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Re: Girlfriend of Med Student

Postby Daisy85 » Sat Jul 28, 2012 10:33 am

Hi everyone,

I was wondering if I could get some advice. I have been dating my med school boyfriend for about a year and a half now, and he has met my family, friends and has told me at first that he wanted to talk to my dad in June 2012 to get engaged. That didn't seem to happen as he said he needs more time to study for his Step 2 exam. He said that he would talk to my dad sometime in August now. I wondered if his exam was actually the issue, or if his feelings were changing for me instead. Maybe it's just the nature of the beast-- medical school. I guess I just have to wait and see if he fulfills his promise of speaking to my dad in August (sometime next month).

But besides this issue, we have had several arguments over the last few months about one of his med school female friends who he has been contacting quite a lot, even though they don't seem to be in the same rotations (but they are in the same year). The upside is that he allowed me to meet her, and I have her number, but I have a lot of confusions of their relations with one another. I understand the need for friends who will help you out, but I just feel that his level of communication with her is a bit too much. It's almost the amount that he talks to me. Maybe they are talking about medical related things (or I hope)-- but I'm just really confused. There were times where I felt as if he likes her. And to top it off- he has remarked that many guys like her and that she's attractive (basically, that she's a catch). I have found that my bf is very nice and accomodating/supportive to other women as well, which makes me feel quite uncomfortable. I told him I want him to limit his contact with her/be professional about it and only talk once a week or when they both need help with school. He is not willing to give up his friends, and that is rightly so, especially if the person is helping you, but I feel that if you are in a relationship, it is respectful for you to limit your contact with the opposite sex. He doesn't seem to think so though. He said that without her help, he wouldn't have been able to pass his 3rd year of medical school. Perhaps I am bit jealous of this girl's role in his life because I am not able to give him this support (medical related), so he has to turn to another woman to give it to him. I am just afraid that with their level of communication though, that he might end up having feelings for her or already has feelings for her, especially when they are talking/texting almost everyday. I guess they are pushing each other to study, but it makes me feel really uncomfortable because you end up talking about other things besides school when you are that close with someone. I asked him one time if he likes this girl and he said no- they are friends and they help each other out a lot with school. He seems to value and respect her a lot.

I was able to handle this for the past few months, but one day early this month (July), I asked him when is the last time he spoke to her since he had not mentioned her for a while, he said probably a month ago. I asked the girl the same thing as I have her number, and she said they haven't spoken in a while. I was able to access his call records, and found out that he lied to me. That they had been at least texting everyday for the past month. It really hurt me that he lied to me. Why did he feel the need to lie? I am hoping it is because he knows that I don't like him talking to her, and not because he is cheating or anything else is going on. I did not tell him I saw his call records, but I showed doubt about how much they had been speaking. He got really angry and said "if you don't trust me, then you shouldn't be with me". I told him that I trusted him, and then he calmed down and we are the same as before now. I want to be with him, but I am so hurt that he lied to me. I had considered breaking up with him because of this. It is so hard for me though because I am in love with him and want to give him another chance. I just always want him to be honest with me even if it's something I won't necessarily like. There is a way to explain things to me of why he needs to communicate with her so much, but he is not doing this. I just hope he is not using me and that his feelings for me are real.

I am just really confused right now. Do you think that if he speaks to my dad in August, it will be an indication of his devotion to me and not this other girl? Do med school students need other med school friends in the field to talk to everyday? Should I tell him that I saw his call log, even though it may be a risk of him breaking up with me? Anyone's advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!! :)

Sincerely,
Daisy
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Re: Girlfriend of Med Student

Postby Cancer1982 » Mon Jan 07, 2013 3:05 pm

Hi,

I could really use some advice on the following:

I have been dating a 4th year resident for a few months now. I nthe beginning it was awesome and then when I started to question the relationship- he fell back for a while- expressing to me that I was stressing the relationship too much. So this time around I am trying to be more understanding especially since he has a big test this month and his Boards in June. He has been studying like crazy and I must admit that I miss him and am frustrated to say the least. I understand the constant studying but wish he would give me a date or a few hours a week. He has told me that his career is very important and does not like to feel like his relationship is a chore but how do others cope- I am in school, work ful ltime and have a chidl as well. I can understand busy but I am also a female that would like a bit of time. I over analyze and know that I am taking it his absense personal- wndering if there is another of if he doesnt care -yet he will answer my texts and even reached out to me during the holidays. Please help, how do I cope, what can I do if anything- Help and thanks in advance
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Re: Girlfriend of Med Student

Postby Cancer1982 » Tue Jan 08, 2013 3:06 pm

Hi,

I could really use some advice on the following:

I have been dating a 4th year resident for a few months now. In the beginning it was awesome and then when I started to question the relationship- he fell back for a while- expressing to me that I was stressing the relationship too much. So this time around I am trying to be more understanding especially since he has a big test this month and his Boards in June. He has been studying like crazy and I must admit that I miss him and am frustrated to say the least. I understand the constant studying but wish he would give me a date or a few hours a week. He has told me that his career is very important and does not like to feel like his relationship is a chore but how do others cope- I am in school, work ful ltime and have a chidl as well. I can understand busy but I am also a female that would like a bit of time. I over analyze and know that I am taking it his absense personal- wndering if there is another of if he doesnt care -yet he will answer my texts and even reached out to me during the holidays. Please help, how do I cope, what can I do if anything- Help and thanks in advance
Cancer1982
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Re: Girlfriend of Med Student

Postby Cancer1982 » Thu Feb 07, 2013 6:29 pm

I know that it can be hard- but truly it is all about their studies right now- Breathe, Relax and try to keep busy. I know this is easier said than done but you can get through it. Communication is important but for now there will be a lot of sacrifice on your part. Keep the faith and stay strong . ... Just take it day by day and realize that she simply needs your support right now. I am going through the same thing and it has been stressful but we can do it :)
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Girlfriend of med student 3000 miles away

Postby sj91 » Mon Feb 18, 2013 10:59 am

Hi guys. I've been dating my boyfriend for over 2 1/2 years. He is in med school at Saint Georges in the Carribean and it's REALLY far away. He is a first year and it has only been a month in. We love each other and things were really good at first. I cared a lot about talking to him and tried to support him since even 2days in, his studying got really crazy. I talk to him for a total of 10 minutes a day including 4-5 texts. No vid chat. If im lucky, once or twice a week. But all of a sudden, things don't feel the same. he feels the same. He still sent me flowers and chocolate for valentines day (he is very romantic) but we just don't talk the same way anymore. I feel as if its boring and its repetitive. Our conversations lack context. It's the usual "hi i miss you, so much studying. Ok gotta go back, text you later" and that is it. But I will send him cute things through out the day to keep the spice up but i get it. he is busy he has no time to sit here and think about romantic lovey dovey things to text me with to surprise me.

But honestly, i don't know if I am used to it or content or I am losing feelings. I have been going out recklessly and partying to cope with it and now I am actually over him really being gone I think. I don't know if that really means that I don't like him as much or that I have accepted I won't see him for another 3 months. Long distance relationships are really difficult and I know I care about him a lot but what does this all mean? Am I over him and our relationship? Or over him being gone? I need some major advice.

This all changed in the past 3-4 days... I want to want our future. We have a great future. But is this temporary? Hes amazing and he's gorgeous. Any girl would snatch him in a second especially being on an island where everyone is stuck to each other for 4 months at a time.

But like I said i've been going out, and it's like I feel single but I don't and I am not? I'm really confused and scared. I don't want to end this over some temporary confusion. But I am so used to him and attached..

Plus, he even said he's not good at showing how much he cares which doesn't help the situation or make me feel like wanted even though he loves me a lot. This aids in the whole "i think my feelings are going away" phase.
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