Girlfriend of Med Student

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Re: Girlfriend of Med Student

Postby itsalotofhardwork » Wed Oct 12, 2011 12:19 am

Hi everyone!

First of all, thanks for all your insights on what works and what doesn't in a relationship with a medical student. It is time to share my thoughts, I suppose.

To all the relationships that didn't work, do not despair. Somebody somewhere is waiting for you. I am a firm believer in fate, so there must be another, perhaps a better, fate for you in the future. Good luck :D

I am currently dating a med student in his 2nd year, and it is not easy with what seems like his endless studying. You can't deny the yearning and yes, the "neediness". But I thought long and hard and realised that neediness won't get you anywhere but a break up. Besides, the longing will only last roughly 5-6 years. But what's 6 years of patience compared to the 50 or so years you will potentially spend together?

So I have considered these things for myself so I can give my man the support and love he deserves, all the whilst giving him the space he needs. Hope these tips help some of you who are going through the same dilemma...

1.) Acceptance: Compare his calling to other professions and your partner should instantly command respect and acceptance. Your partner has chosen to go through the sleepless and gruelling process of becoming a doctor so that someday he/she may save lives, give hope to the distressed, provide his/her family a comfortable future, be a positive role model to his/her children, etc.

2.) Understanding: So you send him a message/email. After what seems like forever, still no reply. When he says he's busy and exhausted, never ever take it to heart. I'm sure his mother is yearning to hug and catch up with her son as much as you do. His friends have also been anticipating the day when they could have a proper dinner with their mate again. His sister possibly couldn't wait until her newborn son could meet his uncle. The son, the mate, the uncle, and yes, your partner. Send him your thoughts but NEVER expect anything back. Then you will feel like every message you receive from him is a blessing.

3.) Keep busy: Your time apart is probably the best time for you to cultivate your self and be a better person. It is a time for reflection, a time to focus on yourself, your relationships, focus on your friends and family, your hobbies, what keeps you going, what makes you cross. It's your opportunity to learn something new, tidy up your apartment, bathe your dog, etc. the result? Time will fly, you'll be a happier person, you've given your partner the space he needs, and your surroundings will be cleaner!

4.) Make the most of your time together: Yes, every second of your time together. This is your make up time. Your make out time. Movie time. Snuggle time. Never let it go to waste. If your man falls asleep in the middle of dinner, think back to point number 2.

5.) Never give up: This probably sums up all the above points. Unless your partner is a scum of the earth just trying to put on a successful front as an extension of his ego, then it is worth sticking it out to the end of his student years. Most of the doctors I know are caring individuals and cite their family/relationships, amidst their demanding jobs, as something they will not and cannot live without.

Hope I somehow make sense.

All the best!
itsalotofhardwork
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Re: Girlfriend of Med Student

Postby Daniellemarie5917 » Sun Nov 13, 2011 5:33 pm

I am with a first year med school student. We have been together for over 2 years. I am finishing up my masters this year and will be starting a job next October. We will still be living in the same town.

Everything has been great up until recently. We are very understanding of each other when we get stressed. Lately the problem has been that he is very stressed out about his grades, as his exam grades get lower each time. He still has not failed one yet thank God! But instead of studying during the day he has started playing video games. And then he stays up all night studying. This is hard on me because usually the time before we go to sleep is "our" time. So now I am losing most of our quality time together and I worry that when he is up at night, he still spends most of his time playing video games. I'm not his mom. I can't make him sit down and study but I also can't take him being in a bad mood over his grades when I know they would be better if he would just stop with the video games.

What do I do? I am slowly losing my mind from this.
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Re: Girlfriend of Med Student

Postby darya » Thu Nov 17, 2011 4:53 pm

Hi guys,
My boyfriend and I are dating for 2.5 years.He started his med school on sep 2011 in Caribbean Island and I'm still studying my undergrad and have 1.5 years to graduate.
We didn't have any major problem before but now we start feeling a big gap between us and last night he told me that I should move on and don't waste my life waiting for him cuz he doesn't know whats going to happen or how long it'll take till he finishes the school and till then he can promise me any thing.
I know he loves me and so do I, but I just donno what to do any more.
We'll see each other next month after 4 month and I wanna make a best out of it.
But donno whats gonna happen when he goes back there again.
Any advice?


Thank you all and wish u guys all the best.

Darya
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Re: Girlfriend of Med Student

Postby JRS » Thu Feb 02, 2012 7:19 pm

Hello, all! It was really nice to find this board and to read about others' experiences with their medical student/resident girlfriends/boyfriends.
I am a female dating a fourth year medical student who's just about to find out where he matches in the middle of March- cross your fingers! We've been together for over a year now, and I love him more every day. Every single day I find another thing about him to love. He's incredibly busy- imagine that, right!?- and only recently completed his Step II examination, which was studying on a whole new level. I, too, am a busy nurse who works 12 hour days. And still, I've never felt more appreciated, loved, and understood. I work hard to ensure that he feels that way, as well.
It's not been without it's trials and it's jealous moments, that's for sure. Along with the long hours of studying and clinical work, he's also beent traveling a LOT for interviews in glamorous, exotic cities. I've been home. Working. And feeling jealous. We've learned to be extremely open with each other through all of this, which has been a lifesaver, and we talked about it. I know that the interview trips are hard work, but it's been really hard to not feel left out. He calls, he brings souvenirs, he's wonderful. He goes the extra mile just to make me feel included in his experiences, and that matters the world to me. I feel extraordinarily lucky. Dating a medical student has the potential to make a partner feel really alienated and left out, and he works to include me, even though he's strapped for time.
When we're both in town together, I'll bring my cooking supplies over to his house. He'll hunker down with his books at the computer, and I'll pop a bottle of wine for us and cook a great big, fancy meal. I just enjoy us being together, even if it's just an occasional kiss or a quick study break, and it just makes the studying and the hard work feel cozier and... better.
I have no problem sacrificing time and energy on this relationship because I know that, when the chips are down and I am in trouble and need something, he drops everything- even just for a short time- to make sure that I'm okay. I never abuse it, and neither does he. We respect and understand each others' goals, opinions, and boundaries, and simply love the heck out of each other. It really works for us at this point because we are totally open when there's something wrong. I don't feel the need to censor anything with him, and when there's a problem, we both work on a solution together.
He moves to residency this summer. I intend to go with him. It just feels right. I'm ready to handle the next few years, and according to him, he can't wait to show me the wonderful cities and hospitals that he's found over the past few months of interviews. Who knows where we'll end up!
This ain't my first rodeo either, as I've been through a very upsetting relationship in my past. I've lived all over the country, been through the military, and worn many hats. I've been abused and thrown away, and have built myself from the ground up to where I am today, which is very independent and comfortable. In short, I know what I'm doing with my life, and am confident that, even if this doesn't work out, I'll handle it just fine.
The biggest piece of advice that I can offer to this conversation is to be completely open with your med student partner. Don't keep quiet and build resentment. I cannot stress enough how important this is. He or she is going through a very stressful, time-intensive part of life. The last thing that either one of you needs is to be quiet and resentful when it can be so easily avoided with a quick conversation, no matter how short the time may seem. He has told me, time and again, that one of the things that he appreciates the most about me is that I don't expect him to read my mind and that I level with him, no matter how selfish or childish it may make either one of us look. I really have a gem on my hands with this one, and I feel lucky every day!
Good luck to all! And thanks for letting me know that I'm not the only one dealing with this situation.
JRS
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Re: Girlfriend of Med Student

Postby missesbb » Sun Apr 15, 2012 3:29 pm

Hello ladies..
My name is Tolly and I am dating a med studednt.. He is studying to be a Cardiologist. He is everything that I ever wanted in a man. He is handsome, hard working, respectful, humble.. I could go on and on.. But when it comes to us spending time, I USE to feel that he was slacking and wasnt showing much effort. Until I realized that no matter what, to be successful, he may have to put his career first. A relationship will always be there, whether it be with me or some other lucky lady.
When we first started dating, he was on break from work and school. We spent nearly everyday together. He took me out all the time. He was the best man I ever had.. But when he went back to school, it all changed. We barely see each other, sometimes once a week. I used to feel very insecure, unhappy, depressed. The man of my dreams is so close but yet so far away. That tore me apart. But I have honestly grown to realize that I must work on myself at this moment instead of focusing on a relationship that isnt guaranteed.. Its also healthier. Who says that you have to be with your love every single day? Its better to have space. If you have space, and still have an unspoken bond, then you know that you are doing the right thing. You have to come to terms that your partner really is busy and stressed out. One major piece of advice that i can offer is, when you see him, if its once a week or once a month, ALWAYS be happy..Never show your unhappiness, he'll only push you farther away. I know this from experience. If hes already stressed, you should be his getaway from everything hes going through. If your unhappy, hes going to be reminded that hes stressed and things wont go good.
Well, I guess Im done. But ladies, lets keep this going. Lets keep each other motivated with experiences and advice. Men too. It makes it that much better when you have someone who can understand exactly what you are going through. Tootles!
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