Girlfriend of Med Student

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dating a resident myself

Postby TA » Thu Aug 23, 2007 6:31 pm

Hi! I am dating a 2nd year resident myself and we have been boyfriend/girlfriend for 6 weeks. This is all new to me. It was great when
we first went out and did about a months worth of dating in just a couple
of weeks (think I unknowingly caught him at tail end of his 1st year). Now,
however, am lucky if I even get a phone call b/c his 2nd year has started with a bang and has been really rough for him. Lately, all he is doing is
texting and it's sad to say, but I would even kill for a text now. Guess
the honeymoon is over! Since this is so new to me, never know if we
are indeed growing apart or if he is that busy. I appreciate what everyone
has said, especially the positive parts as that has made me think. Trying not to be demanding/needy, but be understanding and be there for him. It's just kind of hard to do that with such infrequent texts, his lack of sleep and need for constant studying. Think he thinks that I can read his mind though and that I will just "know" he's busy. If we ever talk or see each other again after this month's rotation, think we are definitely going to have to communicate better. If we are even together for all I know!
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ps

Postby TA » Thu Aug 23, 2007 6:37 pm

ps - does anyone have any suggestions for a 2nd yr resident that you don't live with? Meaning, don't get to see him and the little time he has to
himself he is sleeping or studying. How do you let him know you are there
for him without being demanding/needy? Would greatly appreciate any suggestions as I am going crazy. Thanks!
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Postby Bramsey89 » Tue Oct 02, 2007 3:48 pm

Take what I say with a grain of salt because I'm a freshman in college and never dated before, but I can't imagine not having at least 20 minutes in your day to call your girlfriend. If I had a girlfriend I'd wake up 20 minutes early each day just so I'd have the time for her.
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Don't worry, be happy!

Postby claire7081 » Fri Oct 12, 2007 9:25 am

:P my boyfriend and i started dating the summer after his first year in med school. we had about a month before school was starting again then the 2nd year of med school happened. lol. trust me, i can totally understand how you feel.

when we first started dating all my friends have moved away after graduation and i felt all alone. having a bf who wasn't there most of the time didn't help. i cried alot and i was mad at him alot. but then i started focusing my energy on my interests rather than being upset and depressed all the time. Like cooking, my bf didn;t have time to cook so i would make him lunch/dinner everyday. i started working out again and have lost 10lbs and gained lean muscles. i felt sexier and prettier than ever.

it's been a year and half now. my boyfriend's in his 3rd year doing rotations. we're doing fine. we had our tough moments and all i can tell you is it wasn't easy at all. it really takes two people to make it work.

My boyfriend alyways tell me that just becasue he's busy, doesnt mean he loves me any less, he's just busy as hell. =)
if it makes u feel any better, just think if you guys end up getting married all his hardwork now.. is for your future comfort as well.
try to be understanding and caring.. but know that ure not a doormat. You deserve someone who is kind and loving. =)
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Postby TA » Wed Oct 17, 2007 9:43 am

Thanks for the words of encouragment! :) I really needed to hear that.
I know it's hard on him, he's super busy and know he's not working on his tan at the beach. Am trying harder to be more understanding b/c I cannot
even imagine working 36 hr shifts, having to study when you got off that shift and being sleep deprived on top of that. I am now trying to do my own thing so I don't get so focused on him and get upset b/c he can't be there for me b/c of lack of time and work demands but letting him know at the same time that I am there for him still. If I can just hang in there when things are rough, it will be ok. THat's the hard part. Everyone of course wants to be there when things are going great, but you find out who really cares and is there for you when things are difficult so that's what I am trying to show him right now. When we first met when we had time to date and before he got super busy with the start of his 2nd year residency, he did speak about us having kids and our future life together. That conversation seems like so long ago. Just have to remember that now that we don't even have time to talk! That and that fact that he doesn't have the typical standard 9-5 job where the usual dating rules don't apply since his situation is very unusual and not the norm. Thank you so much for the words of hope, patience and faith as I am really needing to hear that as so many people don't understand how difficult this really is on a relationship and they want me to throw in the towel. Am constantly reminding myself on a daily basis that he is worth it if I can hang in there and be really strong! :)
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